Article: Warning Signs and Red Flags

It’s not always easy to tell at the beginning of a relationship if it will become abusive.

In fact, many abusive partners may seem absolutely perfect in the early stages of a relationship. Possessive and controlling behaviors don’t always appear overnight, but rather emerge and intensify as the relationship grows.

Domestic violence doesn’t look the same in every relationship because every relationship is different. But one thing most abusive relationships have in common is that the abusive partner does many different kinds of things to have more power and control over their partners.

If you’re beginning to feel as if your partner or a loved one’s partner is becoming abusive, there are a few behaviors that you can look out for. Watch out for these red flags and if you’re experiencing one or more of them in your relationship, call the hotline to talk about what’s going on.

  • Telling you that you can never do anything right
  • Showing jealousy of your friends and time spent away
  • Keeping you or discouraging you from seeing friends or family members
  • Embarrassing or shaming you with put-downs
  • Controlling every penny spent in the household
  • Taking your money or refusing to give you money for expenses
  • Looking at you or acting in ways that scare you
  • Controlling who you see, where you go, or what you do
  • Preventing you from making your own decisions
  • Telling you that you are a bad parent or threatening to harm or take away your children
  • Preventing you from working or attending school
  • Destroying your property or threatening to hurt or kill your pets
  • Intimidating you with guns, knives or other weapons
  • Pressuring you to have sex when you don’t want to or do things sexually you’re not comfortable with
  • Pressuring you to use drugs or alcohol

 GET HELP

ACOG Violence Against Women Department
The American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists has developed tools to screen patients for intimate partner violence and sexual assault.

Asian Task Force Against Domestic Violence
ATASK primarily serves Asian families and individuals in Massachusetts and New England who suffer from or are at risk of suffering from domestic violence.

Battered Women’s Justice Project
BWJP offers training, technical assistance and consultation on the most promising practices of the criminal and civil justice systems in addressing domestic violence.

Break the Cycle
BTC provides tools and resources to prevent and end dating abuse. They’ve partnered with the hotline to create loveisrespect.

Casa de Esperanza
Casa de Esperanza’s mission is to mobilize Latinas and Latino communities to end domestic violence.

Center on Domestic Violence: University of Colorado Denver
Within the university, their goal is to end domestic violence by fostering institutional and social change through leadership development, education, research and community collaboration.

Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence
CAEPV is dedicated to reducing the costs and consequences of partner violence at work, and eliminating it altogether. Their site has info, materials and advice on everything from policies and programs to legal issues and legislation.

FaithTrust Institute
FaithTrust is a national, multifaith, multicultural training and education organization with global reach working to end sexual and domestic violence. They provide communities and advocates with the tools and knowledge they need to address the religious and cultural issues related to abuse.

Futures Without Violence
Futures Without Violence has led the way and set the pace for ground-breaking education programs, national policy development, professional training programs,and public actions designed to end violence against women, children and families around the world.

Health Cares About IPV
This site created by Futures Without Violence is an online toolkit with resources for resources for all health providers (not just physicians), as well as advocates.

HopeLine from Verizon Wireless
HopeLine is a collection of no-longer-used wireless phones and accessories turned them into support for domestic violence organizations nationwide.

Institute on Domestic Violence in the African American Community
IDVAAC is an organization focused on the unique circumstances of African Americans as they face issues related to domestic violence, including intimate partner violence, child abuse, elder maltreatment and community violence.

Institute for Law and Justice
ILJ is a private, nonprofit corporation dedicated to consulting, research, evaluation and training in criminal justice.

Jane Doe Inc.
Offering unparalleled leadership in Massachusetts, JDI is changing the way society views and reacts to sexual and domestic violence in ways that make communities safer.

Joyful Heart Foundation
JHF was founded by Law & Order SVU’s Mariska Hargitay with the intention of helping sexual assault survivors heal and reclaim a sense of joy in their lives.

Legal Momentum
Legal Momentum advances and protects the rights of women and girls though education, litigation and public policy. Started in 1970, they are the oldest organization of their kind.

Legal Resource Center on Violence Against Women
The LRC works specifically to obtain legal representation for domestic violence survivors in interstate custody cases and to provide technical assistance to domestic violence victim advocates and attorneys in such cases.

loveisrespect
A project of the National Domestic Violence Hotline, loveisrespect is the ultimate resource fostering healthy dating attitudes and relationships, and educating about teen dating violence.

Love is Not Abuse
A part of Break the Cycle, this is a public awareness campaign urging everyone to get involved in preventing dating abuse.

The Minnesota Center Against Violence and Abuse
MINCAVA is considered a leader in innovative violence-related education, research and Internet publishing and now coordinates four nationally and internationally renowned projects.

National Clearinghouse for the Defense of Battered Women
NCDBW works with battered women who have been arrested and are facing trial, as well as those who are serving prison sentences.

National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence
NCDSV helps people who work with victims and perpetrators: law enforcement, criminal justice professionals, health care professionals, advocates and service providers, counselors, and social workers. They also work with local, state and federal agencies, educators, media, policymakers and more.

The National Center for Victims of Crime
They advocate for victims’ rights, train professionals who work with victims, and serve as a trusted source of information on victims’ issues. They’re the most comprehensive national resource committed to advancing victims’ rights and helping victims of crime rebuild their lives.

National Immigration Project of the National Lawyers Guild
NIPNLG provides legal and technical support to immigrant communities, legal practitioners and all advocates seeking to advance the rights of noncitizens.

National Network to End Violence Against Immigrant Women
The National Network to End Violence Against Immigrant Women seeks to challenge and eliminate all forms of oppression and discrimination against immigrant women facing violence by empowering them to build better lives of their choice.

National Runaway Safeline
The mission of NRS is to help keep America’s runaway, homeless and at-risk youth safe and off the streets.

The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) has worked since 1978 to make every home a safe home. NCADV works to raise awareness about domestic violence; to educate and create programming and technical assistance; to assist the public in addressing the issue; and to support those impacted by domestic violence.

National Network to End Domestic Violence
NNEDV offers a range of programs and initiatives to address the complex causes and far-reaching consequences of domestic violence. Through cross-sector collaborations and corporate partnerships, they give support to victims of domestic violence who are escaping abusive relationships.

National Resource Center on Domestic Violence
NRCDV engages, informs and supports systems, organizations, communities and individuals to build their capacity to effectively address domestic violence and intersecting issues.

National Sexual Violence Resource Center
NSVRC’s mission is to provide leadership in preventing and responding to sexual violence through collaboration, sharing and creating resources, and promoting research.

NO MORE
NO MORE is a new unifying symbol designed to galvanize greater awareness and action to end domestic violence and sexual assault.  NO MORE is supported by major organizations working to address these urgent issues.

National Violence Against Women Prevention Research Center
Sponsored by the CDC, NVAWPRC does research to help increase the understanding of violence against women.

Peace Over Violence
Peace Over Violence is a sexual and domestic violence, stalking, child abuse and youth violence prevention center headquartered in LA and dedicated to building healthy relationships, families and communities free from sexual, domestic and interpersonal violence.

Prevent Connect
Prevent Connect is a national project of the California Coalition Against Sexual Assault with funding from the CDC. Their goal is to advance the primary prevention of sexual assault and relationship violence by building a community of practice among people who are engaged in such efforts.

Sojourner Center
As one of the nation’s largest domestic violence shelters since 1977, the Sojourner Center is a tireless advocate for domestic violence victims and survivors.

Soroptimist Women’s Opportunity Awards
The Women’s Opportunity Awards program assists women who provide the primary source of financial support for their families by giving them the resources they need to improve their education, skills and employment prospects. Each year, over $1.5 million in education grants are awarded to over 1,000 women, many of whom have overcome enormous obstacles, including domestic violence.

US Department of Justice: Office on Violence Against Women | Domestic Violence State Coalitions
A component of the U.S. Department of Justice, they provide federal leadership in developing the nation’s capacity to reduce violence against women and administer justice for and strengthen services to victims of domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, and stalking.

VAWnet
The goal of VAWnet, the National Online Resource Center on Violence Against Women, is to use electronic communication technology to enhance efforts to prevent violence against women and intervene more effectively when it occurs. 

WomensLaw
A project of NNEDV, WomensLaw was launched to provide state-specific legal information and resources for survivors of domestic violence. They also provide referrals, detailed protective/restraining order information, and more, state by state.

http://www.thehotline.org/resources/

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